Time Matters!
Are you familiar
with this famous quote from the man on his deathbed, “Gee, I wish I’d spent more time at the
office.” Of course, not! That’s
because no one ever said such a thing. Life is full of examples
of those in their last days saying things like, “I wish I had spent more time with loved ones.”
As we leave one
decade and enter a new one, I’ve done some reflecting about 2019, and visioning
for 2020. What does matter? Time matters. Today is not a rehearsal. We will not
get ...
Finding Gratitude or Trapping Monkeys is Easy…or Not
In order to trap a monkey (assuming you want to), all you must do is place some nuts in a bottle that's attached to something immovable. The mouth of the jar has to be big enough for the monkey to place his hand in it, but small enough that once the monkey grabs the nuts by making a fist, the fist is too large to escape the bottle. When the monkey’s curiosity gets the best of him, he reaches for the nuts. And as long as his fist is closed, he's trapped.
I was just like the monkey, holding ...
I Surrender
When I was in fourth grade I fell off my bike and took a really hard fall which left a gaping bloody wound on my left elbow. I was doing things that my parents definitely wouldn’t have approved of, so I hid the huge wound. Even though it was the middle of the summer I wore long-sleeved shirts so my make-shift bandages wouldn’t show. Then wound started to fester and smell.
Fortunately for me, my Grandma Torbeck noticed it. I confessed to her what actually happened. She then uncovered ...
Where Dads are Absent…Boys Suffer
Jeff and I published Tender Lions eight months ago. Since that time we've discovered more and more research and examples that demonstrate how boys without a healthy emotional connection to their dad are at risk, all kinds of risks!
Last spring Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell revealed on CBS 60 Minutes the risk posed by “young males” who: don't look for work, are addicted to drugs, and are academically not prepared for adulthood. Powell posits that "this economic ...
The Heart of a Dove & The Hide of a Rhino: Seven Lessons for Ethical Dilemmas
In the last few months both Jeff and I have encountered challenging
ethical dilemmas involving organizations and people that we really care about. What
follows are a few of the important lessons for Tender Lions to be aware
of, because it’s only a matter of time before you and/or your son are going to
encounter a challenging ethical situation. While you can’t anticipate
everything, it’s best to have your eyes wide open. Consider discussing these
seven observations based on our personal ...
The Pursuit of Happiness…Is Killing Us
“I just want to be happy” was the short sentence a friend of mine said when he told me he was getting divorced. He had given up on his nearly 40-year marriage and just wanted to be happy. I asked him if, perhaps, he had the wrong goal.
Another concern I have with having “happy” as a goal is that it often seems to be associated with relieving some type of emotional pain, like with my friend. He’s not here to answer the question, but I’m curious if the decision to be happy also ...
What Do You Say…When You Talk To Yourself? by Jeff Becker
Are you talking to yourself right now? Listen…whose voice is it? Your voice, your boss, coworkers, dad, the devil? Yes, we all have many voices, but the reality is that you can only listen to one at a time. But…you get to choose. So listening to the “right voice” is essential.
We all have internal speech that “beats up” on us from
time-to-time. For some of us, the “saboteur” can be brutal. Have you heard this
rattling around in your head, “He’s never going to listen to ...
Porter Moser on Vital Father Son Relationship by Jeff Becker
Name: Porter Moser Status: Married, four children—three boys and one girl, age 50 Vocation: Head men’s basketball coach Loyola University Chicago Fun Fact: Led his team to the NCAA Final Four in 2018 (Record of 32-6)
Jeff: Tell me just a few words that describe your dad? Porter:
Determined, class, tough, persistent, and driven. He was a CEO and a very
successful businessman. He ...
We’re All Liars
In the bestseller, Leadership and Self-Deception the story is told of an upper level manager, “Tom”, who has an inability to see his own problem – self-deception. Self-deception caused a number of significant problems both for Tom and those he worked and lived with. Let’s take a look at this scenario:
Tom always saw others as the source of his problems.Tom had an overblown sense of his importance, always saw himself as the most committed, the most dedicated, and the smartest guy in ...
They Call It Rope-a-Dope or I Got Punched in the Face…Twice!
Pornography has a powerful and dangerous effect on boys. Like the rope-a-dope, boys will lose!