29 posts in category Tender Lions

Scroll for Blog Posts about Building the Vital Relationship Between Father and Son

I Surrender

When I was in fourth grade I fell off my bike and took a really hard fall which left a gaping bloody wound on my left elbow. I was doing things that my parents definitely wouldn’t have approved of, so I hid the huge wound. Even though it was the middle of the summer I wore long-sleeved shirts so my make-shift bandages wouldn’t show. Then wound started to fester and smell. Fortunately for me, my Grandma Torbeck noticed it. I confessed to her what actually happened. She then uncovered ...

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Where Dads are Absent…Boys Suffer

Jeff and I published Tender Lions eight months ago. Since that time we've discovered more and more research and examples that demonstrate how boys without a healthy emotional connection to their dad are at risk, all kinds of risks! Last spring Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell revealed on CBS 60 Minutes the risk posed by “young males” who: don't look for work, are addicted to drugs, and are academically not prepared for adulthood. Powell posits that "this economic ...

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The Heart of a Dove & The Hide of a Rhino: Seven Lessons for Ethical Dilemmas

In the last few months both Jeff and I have encountered challenging ethical dilemmas involving organizations and people that we really care about. What follows are a few of the important lessons for Tender Lions to be aware of, because it’s only a matter of time before you and/or your son are going to encounter a challenging ethical situation. While you can’t anticipate everything, it’s best to have your eyes wide open. Consider discussing these seven observations based on our personal ...

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The Pursuit of Happiness…Is Killing Us

“I just want to be happy” was the short sentence a friend of mine said when he told me he was getting divorced. He had given up on his nearly 40-year marriage and just wanted to be happy. I asked him if, perhaps, he had the wrong goal. Another concern I have with having “happy” as a goal is that it often seems to be associated with relieving some type of emotional pain, like with my friend. He’s not here to answer the question, but I’m curious if the decision to be happy also ...

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What Do You Say…When You Talk To Yourself? by Jeff Becker

Are you talking to yourself right now? Listen…whose voice is it? Your voice, your boss, coworkers, dad, the devil? Yes, we all have many voices, but the reality is that you can only listen to one at a time. But…you get to choose. So listening to the “right voice” is essential. We all have internal speech that “beats up” on us from time-to-time. For some of us, the “saboteur” can be brutal. Have you heard this rattling around in your head, “He’s never going to listen to ...

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Porter Moser on Vital Father Son Relationship by Jeff Becker

Name: Porter Moser Status: Married, four children—three boys and one girl, age 50 Vocation: Head men’s basketball coach Loyola University Chicago Fun Fact: Led his team to the NCAA Final Four in 2018 (Record of 32-6) Jeff: Tell me just a few words that describe your dad? Porter: Determined, class, tough, persistent, and driven. He was a CEO and a very successful businessman. He ...

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We’re All Liars

In the bestseller, Leadership and Self-Deception the story is told of an upper level manager, “Tom”, who has an inability to see his own problem – self-deception. Self-deception caused a number of significant problems both for Tom and those he worked and lived with. Let’s take a look at this scenario: Tom always saw others as the source of his problems.Tom had an overblown sense of his importance, always saw himself as the most committed, the most dedicated, and the smartest guy in ...

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They Call It Rope-a-Dope or I Got Punched in the Face…Twice!

Pornography has a powerful and dangerous effect on boys. Like the rope-a-dope, boys will lose!

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“Why a Father Matters” – Interview with Todd Dulaney, Grammy & Dove Nominee

Recently Jeff interviewed Gospel Music sensation Todd Dulaney about his relationship with his father, and its impact on his life. Todd is married, has four children, lives in the Chicago area and is 34 years old. Jeff: Tell me a few words that describe your dad. Todd: Tough, disciplinarian, firm, masculine leader. He was the type of father that didn’t say, “I love you,” but he did so many things to let us know it, which taught me that what you do is more important than what you ...

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My 18 Months in Prison – as told by Jeff Becker

Jeff: For 18 months I worked as a Juvenile Justice Specialist for the State of Illinois Juvenile Justice System at a maximum security prison for teenage girls. These girls were sentenced to prison for offenses including: assault, theft, drugs, arson, and murder. My job consisted of making sure the kids got from one place in the prison to another without fighting or arguing, and making sure they followed the rules. Each day, for 18 months, was mind-numbingly the same. Arrive at 5:40 a.m., ...

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