26 posts in category Tender Lions

Scroll for Blog Posts about Building the Vital Relationship Between Father and Son

The Pursuit of Happiness…Is Killing Us

“I just want to be happy” was the short sentence a friend of mine said when he told me he was getting divorced. He had given up on his nearly 40-year marriage and just wanted to be happy. I asked him if, perhaps, he had the wrong goal. Another concern I have with having “happy” as a goal is that it often seems to be associated with relieving some type of emotional pain, like with my friend. He’s not here to answer the question, but I’m curious if the decision to be happy also ...

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What Do You Say…When You Talk To Yourself? by Jeff Becker

Are you talking to yourself right now? Listen…whose voice is it? Your voice, your boss, coworkers, dad, the devil? Yes, we all have many voices, but the reality is that you can only listen to one at a time. But…you get to choose. So listening to the “right voice” is essential. We all have internal speech that “beats up” on us from time-to-time. For some of us, the “saboteur” can be brutal. Have you heard this rattling around in your head, “He’s never going to listen to ...

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Porter Moser on Vital Father Son Relationship by Jeff Becker

Name: Porter Moser Status: Married, four children—three boys and one girl, age 50 Vocation: Head men’s basketball coach Loyola University Chicago Fun Fact: Led his team to the NCAA Final Four in 2018 (Record of 32-6) Jeff: Tell me just a few words that describe your dad? Porter: Determined, class, tough, persistent, and driven. He was a CEO and a very successful businessman. He ...

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We’re All Liars

In the bestseller, Leadership and Self-Deception the story is told of an upper level manager, “Tom”, who has an inability to see his own problem – self-deception. Self-deception caused a number of significant problems both for Tom and those he worked and lived with. Let’s take a look at this scenario: Tom always saw others as the source of his problems.Tom had an overblown sense of his importance, always saw himself as the most committed, the most dedicated, and the smartest guy in ...

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They Call It Rope-a-Dope or I Got Punched in the Face…Twice!

Pornography has a powerful and dangerous effect on boys. Like the rope-a-dope, boys will lose!

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“Why a Father Matters” – Interview with Todd Dulaney, Grammy & Dove Nominee

Recently Jeff interviewed Gospel Music sensation Todd Dulaney about his relationship with his father, and its impact on his life. Todd is married, has four children, lives in the Chicago area and is 34 years old. Jeff: Tell me a few words that describe your dad. Todd: Tough, disciplinarian, firm, masculine leader. He was the type of father that didn’t say, “I love you,” but he did so many things to let us know it, which taught me that what you do is more important than what you ...

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My 18 Months in Prison – as told by Jeff Becker

Jeff: For 18 months I worked as a Juvenile Justice Specialist for the State of Illinois Juvenile Justice System at a maximum security prison for teenage girls. These girls were sentenced to prison for offenses including: assault, theft, drugs, arson, and murder. My job consisted of making sure the kids got from one place in the prison to another without fighting or arguing, and making sure they followed the rules. Each day, for 18 months, was mind-numbingly the same. Arrive at 5:40 a.m., ...

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The Unspoken Epidemic Called Fatherlessness

Three years ago, when Jeff and I started writing Tender Lions: Building the Vital Relationship Between Father and Son, we knew that we had an important story to tell because of our own life experience. What we didn't realize were the reams of supporting research that we would discover. Over and over again we read and heard information that supported our premise that boys that don't have a healthy relationship with their fathers run into all kinds of risk factors. What follows are just some ...

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A Time for Roots Rituals and Rites of Passage

“When a man's life becomes an adventure, the whole thing takes on a transcendent purpose when he releases control in exchange for the recovery of the dreams in his heart.” – John Eldredge I clearly remember the day my dad said to me, “Brian, you’re driving a load of wheat to the elevator, today.” There was a lot packed in that one sentence for a young farm boy. It meant that at the age of 12, for the very first time, my dad trusted me to drive the tractor and wagon containing ...

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Lessons from Alexander Hamilton

In the block buster musical, Hamilton, the song "It's Quiet Uptown" reveals one of the most important and powerful things that happened to Alexander Hamilton in his life. He was a driven workaholic. He was arrogant, dominant, and unfaithful at least once. Moreover, Hamilton is largely responsible for the attitude that drove his son, Phillip, to a duel leading to his death.  The song tells the story of how Hamilton and his wife are experiencing something “unimaginable.” But then, over ...

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